The good thing about me doing these Good Morning Monday posts, is that it’s making me post stuff. I’m pretty sure I never would otherwise – I’m the world’s slackest blogger. Well, that and, in my opinion, I’m profoundly boring. But that being said, another week is done!
I don’t know how I got through last week, but I did. I don’t know how I will get through next week, but I’m sure I will. Some days I’m so swamped I can barely breathe, and other days I could conquer the world. But mostly, some days I just want to peace out, kill the internet, and spend the day in bed reading, and sleeping, and reading some more.
But alas, there is this little thing called adulting that stops me.
My word count is sooooo slow with my current WiP. As the majority of writers will tell you, there is a crippling self-doubt that we need to beat away with a stick most days. For me, it normally kicks in around the 75% mark of the manuscript – just before the downhill run. But with this book, that self-doubt, the what-the-hell-am-I-doing mindset has been constant. Since the first word of the first chapter, the words have been… cautious.
I do worry that I won’t do the story justice, and I can already hear the negative reviews on the content and characters, and of course, my ability to pull it off. I already know there will be people who won’t want to even read it because of the subject matter.
But that won’t stop me writing it.
I’m reeeeeeally tempted to scrap it and write something easier, but I won’t. Well, not this week. I think. LOL Normally I write about 10-12k words per week, but of late it’s been 8-ish. Which is still okay, but it’s slow. And I’m doubting every word, every scene, every conversation. The research is heavy, the language a huge hurdle.
Some details: The working title of my WiP (so I can stop calling that) is Blood & Milk. It’s the story of an Australian man who is dealing with some horrible events in his past and with a leap of faith, and not much else, boards a plane and finds himself in Tanzania with the Maasai.
The story itself will deal with some not-pleasant things, and there are HUGE cultural differences which I need to respect. Some of which I’m pretty certain readers won’t like.
I’m giving myself longer than normal to write it – until the end of April to be exact. I have no clue how long it will be. I am at 22K right now and I’ve barely scratched the surface of these characters. Though I’m guessing it will be around 60K all up, though it could be more.
I think there are some valid reasons why Blood & Milk has been slow to write for me. And maybe I should leave it for now and come back to it when things in my RL slow down… though I’m beginning to think this pace is my life for the next few years. I’m so damn busy these days, I swear I can barely remember my own name.
But then I remind myself that I’m a professional writer, and that I need to pull on some big girl panties and just do my fucking job. And I love my job. I have the best job in the world – I create words and worlds, characters and love. There are stories to tell, and I will tell them… These boys won’t let me sleep until I give them life with words.
So onwards I trudge, with my big girl panties on, coffee in hand.
Until next week…